a change in the air

I'm been thinking about my space in the blog world a lot lately, knowing how much I've enjoyed be a part of it, and yet being absent for most of my pregnancy. I don't think it takes a genius to figure out why I haven't written much about it. The other day Rob said I was going to need to start a new blog once the baby comes, and that got me all excited, a place where I can do nothing but talk about my baby and being a mom, sounds wonderful. It was the first thing I thought of this morning, all the pictures and stories, then the dreaded thoughts arose, what if something happens, what if she is sick, something happens in the delivery, the third wheel in my relationship with my daughter. Then I thought, isn't this what this blog has been about, looking beyond the insecurities and finding all the joy in my life. It hasn't been easy, there are some posts, when looking back that are complete stretches, days when I wanted to scream that nothing else mattered, it means nothing without a baby, but I didn't. I reached deep and saw the loveliness around me, took note of what did matter.

I don't think this pregnancy has been any different, harder but with the same goals. To try to put the negative thoughts aside and to enjoy my pregnancy, I can honestly say I haven't been all that great about it but I've tried. I think the same will happen when I'm a mom, I'll have doubts and insecurities but at the end of the day I will be a mom, I will have done my best and I will have something so lovely starring back at me.

So I guess what I'm trying to say is that I don't think I need a new blog, this blog is just fine, it carries the same goals I have for when I become a mother, it reminds me of what I need to do, what kind of person, mother I want to be and on days when I want to pull my hair out and nothing goes right it will serve as a reminder of what it took to get here, what I did to get my baby what a miracle she truly is and just how lucky I am to have her, even when she won't stop crying and throws up all over me ;)